Laser Beam to Melt Tall & Skinnies? Shane Morris Says YES!

laser green cratesEast Nashville residents are often quirky and eclectic – we pride ourselves on it, in fact. We also have some creative solutions to problems that arise on our side of the river. Shane Tollman Morris has come up with a creative solution for all of the ‘tall & skinnies’ that are creeping up on every lot in East Nashville – laser beams. And he’s taken his solution to the interwebs, to try to get the attention of Mayor Megan Barry.

According to Shane, “We need Mayor Megan Barry and Governor Bill Haslam to hear our need for a 150 Kw laser beam to melt the tall and skinny houses. With this laser beam, we can make East Nashville beautiful and send a strong message to property developers: If you come into East Nashville, you better respect our laser beam.” We’re not sure why the Governor would be interested in a laser beam for our city, but maybe there’s some state regulation of lasers we’re not aware of . His online petition had only garnered 17 signatures as of Saturday morning.

Here’s the petition, via change.org:

petition screen shot 1

East Nashville is a beautiful, vibrant, historic community filled to a surfeit with residents who care deeply about the character our out community. Part of that character means we value old things being restored.

Over the past decade, real estate developers have come to East Nashville and torn down our historic houses, replacing them with dual-home lots, replete with homes 10 feet wide and 40 feet tall.

“Tall and Skinnies”, as they are known, continue to make East Nashville less of what it should be, and more what real estate developers see as a profit center. Homes aren’t all about total square footage.

We need to fight back against these property developers. The way we fight back is with a giant laser, and melt the tall and skinny houses.

We need a giant laser, approximately 200 feet tall, with a 150 Kw laser beam. With this laser, we wait until the home is built, and then using an advanced targeting system, the laser emerges from its underground bunker (below a classically restored Victorian home) and obliterates the tall and skinnies.

Sign this petition, and restore East Nashville to greatness.

This petition will be delivered to:

  • Mayor Megan Barry
  • Governor Bill Haslam

Possibly, since this is East Nashville – we could upgrade to a rainbow laser? We’re certain Megan Barry would support that. Also, can we upgrade it to just shoot from the Batman building? It’s only appropriate.

laser city

Or, perhaps an alternate idea…

lasser eyes

Stay weird, East Nashville!

 

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